So I had my first official speaking engagement as an author. This was the last thing I saw before I blacked out.
No it wasn’t! Nobody threw fruit at me! I didn’t even black out. (I don’t think? Hmmm.)
I spoke at a local middle school’s literacy night about what inspired me to read/write when I was younger. Actually, that was just the suggested topic. I also waxed poetic about such television masterpieces as “Wipeout” and “Hole in the Wall,” as well as my own childhood game show experience. I know, you’re all wondering what on earth that has to do with literacy, but that’s between me and the fine students of Westridge Middle.
I was a little bit scared of being heckled, but I used to teach high school, so I’m familiar with the perils. Sometimes you get the bear, sometimes the bear gets you. MUCH scarier was the fact that my parents were in the audience. They just happened to be visiting from Canada and asked if they could come along, so I said sure! Of course! I even insisted they wouldn’t make me nervous! All lies.
I did really want them to come, though–I just didn’t want them to see me flop. It was all very teenagery of me. Does anyone else remember feeling like their social failures were only tolerable if their parents didn’t know about them? Back then, I didn’t want them to feel sorry for me or think they’d produced loser offspring. (For the record, I wasn’t a loser, and if any of my brothers are reading this, shut up in advance.) Anyway, I think the literacy night kids had a good time and I certainly did, so I didn’t even have to have a teenage freak out on the way home.
One of the fun parts of speaking for me was getting to show a big blown-up cover of Virtuosity. They all oooh-ed and aaaah-ed like good little captive audience members, which made me want to cart the mounted poster around all day. I’m actually wearing it around my neck right now. Shoot, that image is WAY funnier if you’ve actually seen the cover, which you have not. You know those t-shirts that have the body of some curvy bikini-clad girl on them, so the person wearing the shirt looks like that’s their body? It would be like that. Except the Virtuosity girl is wearing a fabulous gown, not a skimpy bikini. Never mind. I’ll get to show you soon and everything will make perfect sense. Oh, and I’m not really wearing my book cover right now.
Unless that isn’t the dorkiest thing in the world, in which case, I might be.